Car (insurence) Wars

"Damage report Ensign!"
"Sir, we are tacking heavy damage! There are substantial hull breaches in sections A-5 through B-8!"
The whole ship shook as another blast tore through the failing shields and impacted the hull. The Captain, a strong willed humanoid from Gekkes Prime, braced himself against the impact and turned to the technician manning the sensor station. Being a Gekkes, his smooth green skin showed no sign of the stress that filled the bridge with the strobing red hazard lights. His lizard-like eyes quickly found the closest technician. Shouting to be heard above the screeching klaxons he set to finding out what was happening, the lives of his crew depended on it.
"Who is it? Who is attacking?"
"We can't tell sir, the first shot took out our external sensors array!"
"Someone kill those alarms for Glothers sake!" The blearing noise died away as a technician hit the override. "What is our status?"
"Sir," a fresh recruit said stepping forward. The Captain looked at him with a pang of pity. He had always thought it a terrible waste to have fresh meat serving aboard an old ship so far behind the front lines, what irony that this would more than likely be his last day. "We are venting atmosphere on decks 7 through 23. Emergency lockdown procedures have already started, Emergency evacuation has begun."
"What is our shield status?" The ship rocked from another hit.
"Shields are down sir, we can't take too many more direct hits!"
Standing slowly, the Captain processed a thousand possible outcomes all at once. None of them were good. "Engine status!"
The tech glanced at the display board. "50% sir and falling fast."
"Shart! We need those shields!" The comm screen on the Captains chair flashed and buzzed. The Captain sat down quickly as he hit the button. "Report!"
The face of the Head Engineer, smeared with blood and sweat, filled the screen. Behind him sparks could be seen shooting from damaged equipment.
"Sir, I have good news!"
"Are the shields on line?!!"
"No, I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance by switching to Gie-" With a rolling wave of fiery furry the ship erupted into a brilliant nova. All aboard the ship died in a flash of plasma and molten slag. As the cooling wreckage drifted into the black void a stream lined ship powered down its weapons batteries. Onboard the death ships bridge a general feeling of victory was beginning to grow. An unseasoned ensign let out a whoop of delight.
"We did it Captain! We blew them out of the sky!" Sensing the stares of all his fellow crew members the young man slowly sat down. A sinister laughter started from the shadow covered seat where the Captain sat. A figure, veiled beneath a black cloak slowly leaned forward, his yellow bill visible beneath it.
"Ha...HaHa...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AFLACK!"